Silently Bleeding

Breaking the Silence

Guest: Michele Jones, Christian Counselor and Survivor

Today on Silently Bleeding: Hope for the Pastor’s Wife, we welcome Michele Jones. She will share her journey. It is a story of endurance and abuse. Ultimately, it is a story of hope.

Michele was married for 27 years before leaving an abusive relationship. Married young, she soon faced emotional and physical abuse, including rage, manipulation, and controlling behaviors. She likens her experience to the “frog in lukewarm water” analogy. Abuse often escalates gradually. This escalation leaves one unsure of how to respond. It becomes difficult to recognize the harm until it has deeply affected the soul.

She explained the subtle forms of abuse that often go unnoticed: emotional manipulation, threats, aggression, and gaslighting. Even those outside the home—including church members, see a completely different, “charming” persona. Michelle also emphasized that abuse is not always physical. The mental and emotional scars can be equally damaging. Sometimes, they can be more damaging.

When asked about her courage to finally leave, Michele said it came when her children were directly threatened. She recounted the moment of realization: the abuse was no longer something she could endure silently. A friend’s prompt question—“Are you okay?”—served as a lifeline, showing her that God was already orchestrating a path toward safety and healing.

Michele also shared the challenges of marital counseling when abuse exists. Abusers can manipulate counselors, making it seem as though the victim is the problem. She stressed that before counseling can be effective, abuse must be acknowledged and addressed.

Michele’s advice to women in similar situations is clear: speak up and find someone you can trust. Abuse thrives in silence, and healing begins with being heard, validated, and supported. She encourages pastors’ wives to reach out and not feel shame. They should trust that God sees their pain and desires to help them.

A Word of Hope:
Even in brokenness, God can use your voice to help others. Michele’s story reminds us that while God calls us to be patient and forgiving, He also honors self-preservation. God values the protection of loved ones. Breaking the silence is not a betrayal of faith—it is obedience to the life and safety God desires for us.

If you are struggling, you are not alone. God sees you, and there is hope and help available. Reach out, speak up, and allow God to guide your next steps.

Would you like to hear Michele’s inspiring story and the hope she shares? Click here to watch the interview.

Hit By a Line Drive

by Julie Skulrod

In 1980, my senior year, I was chosen to play on a tournament fast pitch team. I had played fastpitch softball for years and was a pretty good pitcher. OK, that may have sounded mediocre, but I was better than that. I was very good. I loved pitching. I threw the ball fast. I learned to throw a curve ball, a change up, and a couple other pitches. This made it very difficult to hit the ball. Several weeks into the season, I was playing a game. I don’t remember a whole lot about the game. However, I can still picture the field we were playing on. I can see the following event clearly. I pitched the ball. The batter swung the bat, and the ball came back fast. It hit me in the chest … hard! I had quick reflexes and had never been hit like that before. I took a few balls to the shins but usually could field the ball without incident. This day was different. I can’t tell you exactly what happened, but when it hit me, it stunned me. It hurt, but it also took my breath away. I could not breathe, and it felt like my heart stopped for a moment. I don’t know if it did, but that is what it felt like. The back up pitcher came in and finished the game for me. I remember my coach urging me to get back in the game, but I refused. I was hurting, but mostly I was afraid. When the next game came around, I was up to starting again. Well, physically I was fine, but something happened emotionally. I had the “know how” and the strength to pitch well. I had done it for years, but something was different. It was the memory of being hit by that ball, not the physical impact. FEAR … that is what it was. Somehow every pitch I threw was different. My fear was causing me to not follow through correctly and I had no control of the ball. I did not make it far into the game. The coach pulled me out and replaced me with the backup pitcher. This happened for the next several games. At first, I was afraid of being hit by the ball. Later, I became afraid of failure. For several games, I had done exactly that, failed! When you think about it, it is crazy. One little thing, FEAR, could totally mess with me. I had played hundreds of games. I had pitched the ball thousands of times with no incident. But it only took one pitch coming back at me to totally mess up my game. The opposing teams, who were my enemies, had an advantage over me. This was because of my fear. I eventually got past it and trusted in what I knew to be true.

In life, fear can hold us back. We fear the pain we may face, we fear failure, or we fear what others will think. God does not want this for us. He created us to rise above our fears. Fear is an emotion God gave us. It’s there to protect us from things that can harm us. I know a stove is hot. I am afraid of what will happen if I touch it. This fear keeps me from touching the stove. However, we often take what God has given us for our protection and misuse the emotion. Our enemy, satan, the opposing team, wants to paralyze us from doing the things God wants us to do. He uses fear to accomplish this. It is our job to examine our fears and determine if they protect us. We must recognize if fear is controlling us and preventing us from moving forward.

I typed the word “Fear” in my Bible program. There were 275 matches that came up. Most of them were talking about the fear of the Lord. We should have a fear of the Lord, but not the kind of fear that paralyzes us. This fear drives us because it highlights his absolute power. With Him on our side, we can do anything that he sets before us. We should not let fear of failure hold us back. We should not let pain stop us. We should not allow fear of people to hinder us from doing anything that God has asked us to do. God put fear here to guide us away from harm. It is not meant to keep us from doing good things. 2 Timothy says, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity. Instead, He has given us a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline.” Does this mean that we should never fear? No it does not. Paul wrote this to Timothy and was regarding his fear in doing what God asked him to do. I don’t believe that Paul was saying we don’t need to have some fear when it comes to danger. Yes, I should fear touching a hot stove or driving a car on a narrow windy road. That fear makes me cautious of the danger. However, we should not fear the things that God has set before us.

As a pastor or wife of a pastor, I know we face criticisms no matter what we do. We cannot make everyone happy, and consequently sometimes people turn on us. Our goal is to please God and follow what he wants us to do. We have all known someone who always insists on getting their way. They want what they want, even when it does not seem right. When they don’t get it, they try to bring heat against us. God is faithful to bring us through, but it is painful. That pain can lead to fear which can paralyze, just like the line drive paralyzed me. It stops us from doing exactly what God has gifted us and called us to do. This should not be!

So here is what I see … When we fear God, we don’t need to fear satan and his schemes. When we place our fear in God and His ways, he chases all darkness away. When we fear God, we can rely on His strength to do the things that God sets before us. When we fear God, He uses the emotion of fear to protect us from danger. When we fear God, He wraps his arms around us and holds us. I believe that when we fear God He looks at us and says, “OK … now you get it. You know who I am and how powerful I am, but I love you so Fear Not” …. Confusing? Maybe … but very powerful.

“When was the last time fear stopped you in your tracks—and how did God show up in that moment?”

Overcoming a ‘Not Enough’ Mindset

I grew up in a pastor’s home where money was tight. When I wanted something—or even thought I needed something—I often heard the words, “We can’t afford it.” I wore hand-me-downs and rarely had anything new. Maybe you can relate.

That “we can’t afford it” mindset didn’t stop in childhood—it followed me into adulthood. My husband began ministry as a youth pastor, and like many starting in ministry, his income was modest. Before long, our daughters were hearing those same words from us: “We can’t afford it.”

But through it all, God proved Himself faithful again and again.

I remember a time when I was little girl, the only food left in our home was a partial jar of peanut butter and some bread. Out of the blue, a farmer came to our house with groceries. He had 13 kids of his own and not much to spare. He said God had told him to help us. What a miracle!

Years later, my husband had only one suit. It was the one he wore at our wedding. God used another stay-at-home mom with four children to bless him with two brand new suits. I can tell story after story of God’s amazing provision.

Yet, I’m ashamed to admit there were times I allowed a “poor me” mindset to take root. We can’t afford what others can, I’d think. That attitude soured my spirit and may have even closed the door to miracles God wanted to give. At times, I found myself being manipulative to get what I thought I needed.

Here’s what I’ve learned: when we compare ourselves to others, we lose our joy. But when we fix our eyes on Jesus, we start to see how faithfully He provides. He is our loving Father who delights in caring for His children.

Now that I’ve grown a little in maturity, I like to say, “He’s the God of the Then Some!”
When we walk in obedience and trust Him with every need, He not only gives. He often blesses us beyond what we can ask or imagine. We may not get everything we want. But He will supply everything we need and then some. We must be patient and wait on His timing.

Can I encourage you today? Whatever you need, don’t look to others. Don’t feel sorry for yourself. Instead, take it to God and trust Him. He is Jehovah Jireh, our provider!

What about you? Do you have a story of God’s amazing provision?
I’d love for you to share in the comments below. Your testimony may be just what someone else needs to hear today.

Blessings,

Jan McIntyre

“And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:19

That’s Cause You’re the Pastor’s Wife

I NEVER ACTUALLY HEAR ANYONE SAYING THESE WORDS: “WELL, THAT’S ’CAUSE YOU’RE THE PASTOR’S WIFE” – YET AT THE SAME TIME, I ALWAYS HEAR EVERYONE SAYING THESE WORDS: “WELL, THAT’S ’CAUSE YOU’RE THE PASTOR’S WIFE”. I’LL EXPLAIN 🙂

Certain expectations are made of me because I’m the pastor’s wife – and that’s an observation, not a complaint! The design was not to be the pastor’s wife – the design was to be Michael’s wife, but the two came together and it’s been a pretty neat package deal! My life isn’t without the usual (and sometimes unusual) set of struggles, but it’s pretty happy overall! I’m rambling – sorry! Getting back to it –

Sometimes when I speak (whether from the pulpit or in conversation), I sense people thinking: “well, she has to say that – she’s the pastor’s wife” or “well, she has to read her Bible every day – she’s the pastor’s wife” or “well, she can’t cuss because she’s the pastor’s wife” or “well, she is supposed to” or “she could never because” fill-in-the-blank-with-your-own-expectation-here. That comes along with the territory. Everyone has certain expectations made of them – the doctor, the lawyer, the teacher, the garbage collector, it doesn’t matter what position one holds. However, expectations can be dangerous.

The truth is, I don’t “cuss” – but it’s not because I’m the pastor’s wife. I don’t cuss because I’m a disciple of Christ, and the Bible says that “dirty stories, foul talk, and coarse jokes—these are not for you. Instead, remind each other of God’s goodness, and be thankful” (Ephesians 5:4 TLB). The truth is I do have to read my Bible everyday, but it’s not because I’m the pastor’s wife. I have to read my Bible every day because I actually have to – it’s my lifeline, it’s where I find instruction and my identity and my healing. Jesus was right when He said, “the Scriptures tell us that bread won’t feed men’s souls: obedience to every word of God is what we need” (Matthew 4:4). What came to your mind when I said fill-in-the-blank? Yeah, I probably don’t do that either – but want to know something else? Maybe you shouldn’t do these things either. (sorry – did I write that out loud?)

You see, it isn’t people’s expectations of me that keep me faithful to God. It’s God’s expectations of me that keep me faithful to God. The Bible didn’t offer different sets of rules for different types of people – there isn’t a rulebook for the pastor’s wife and a separate rulebook for the lawyer and a separate rulebook for the garbage collector and a separate rulebook for the stay-at-home-mom or any other fill-in-the-blank-that-describes-you-here. The rules are the same for all of us. The Bible says, “he who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked.” (1 John 2:6 NKJV).

Just as He walked. Just is an adverb here, a descriptive word describing the action word walk. You know what just means, but let’s say it out loud anyway: exactly, precisely, absolutely, completely, totally, entirely, perfectly, utterly, wholly, thoroughly, in all respects the same. Anyone (the pastor’s wife, the teacher, the doctor, the cashier) who says they follow Jesus ought to do life just as He did. That doesn’t make it easy, but it does make it simple – much simpler to understand and to follow than a different set of rules for every individual.

Sometimes I miss it (lots of times, to be honest), but just like everyone else, I’m trying my best. Not because I’m the pastor’s wife, but because I am His child.

St. Augustine is quoted as saying, “ let the root of love be within, of this root can nothing spring but what is good.” Let the root of love be within you, no matter what your position is. Realizing that you don’t have to live up to the expectations of people – that’s a relief. Realizing that it’s possible to live up to the expectations that God has of you – that’s a treasure. All He wants is for you to be His and accept His love. Praying you will live in this freedom today!

Jennifer 🙂

For more from Jennifer, check out her blog.

Click here for an interview with Jennifer. “Can the Pastor’s Wife Have Friends?”

Check out Jennifer’s podcast.

Lead Pastors’ Wives Retreat

Coming Soon: Our First Annual Lead Pastors’ Wives Retreat
An Invitation to Rest, Refresh, and Reconnect

There’s a sacred beauty in the mountains. The air is crisp. The noise fades. The presence of God feels just a little closer. It’s in this peaceful setting, nestled in the heart of the Tennessee mountains, that we’re hosting something truly special: our first annual Lead Pastors’ Wives Retreat.

Ministry life is full—full of pouring out, showing up, and faithfully walking alongside our husbands as they lead. But in the midst of that calling, how often do we step away to let God pour back into us?

This retreat was birthed from a deep desire to create space for YOU—the pastor’s wife. It’s time to tend to your own soul.

What to Expect:

Rest for your body – cozy accommodations, beautiful mountain views, and time to just breathe
Refreshment for your mind – intentional conversations, biblical encouragement, and laughter with sisters who truly understand
Renewal for your spirit – powerful worship, prayer, and space to hear God’s whisper
Revival for your soul – a place to step away from ministry duties and let God meet you personally, intimately, and deeply
And yes, a little pampering – because you deserve to be cared for, too!

Whether you’re weary, lonely, or simply longing for a time to reconnect with the Lord, this retreat is for you. We’re preparing a safe, sacred space where you can be real, be seen, and be refreshed.

“He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul.” – Psalm 23:2-3

You don’t have to keep going on empty. Come away for a couple of days and let the Lord restore what life and ministry may have drained.

Details:

📅 [October 30 – November 1, 2025]
🏞️ Location: Tennessee Mountains (exact address provided upon registration)
🎟️ Spots are limited – This intimate gathering is designed for rest and connection, so reserve your place soon.

The total cost of the retreat is $125. This includes lodging and meals.
🚗 Please note: You are responsible for your own transportation to and from the retreat.

A $50 non-refundable registration fee is needed to hold your spot. The remaining $75 is due by October 1, 2025.

Limited Space:
This is a small, intimate retreat designed for only 28 women—plus our dedicated staff. We want this experience to be deeply personal, giving each attendee the chance to rest, reflect, and connect with others. If you feel called to be a part of this gathering, we encourage you to register quickly—spots are filling fast!

Stay tuned for more info, packing tips, and sneak peeks! We can’t wait to share this experience with you.

With love and deep expectation,
The Silently Bleeding Team

What do I do next?

Fill out the registration form and then make your payment (below the form).

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Are you the wife of the current lead/senior pastor?(required)

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If you have dietary restrictions, please be prepared to bring some of your own bread and snacks. Example: Gluten free.

Emergency Contact Name & Phone Number

Detail Confirmation(required)

I understand that I am responsible for my own transportation to and from the retreat site. I also understand that any remaining balance is due by October 1, 2025.

How to Pay:

Silently Bleeding: Hope for the Pastor’s Wife is a non-denominational ministry currently in the process of becoming a registered nonprofit. Until that process is complete, we are operating under the covering of Marion Oaks Assembly of God.

When you click the link below to submit your registration payment, you will be directed to the giving page for Marion Oaks Assembly of God.

Here’s how to pay the deposit.

Click the Fund dropdown menu
Scroll to the bottom and select SB: Hope – Pastors’ Wives’ Ministry
Enter your amount
- $50 to reserve your spot
- Or pay the full $125 now if you prefer
Type in the comment box: Pastors’ Wives’ Retreat
Submit your payment and you’re all set!

Please click HERE to pay.

Behind the Scenes

The Importance of Being You

Do you ever struggle with being yourself? As a pastor’s wife it’s easy to feel the pressure to conform to certain expectations. This often leads to a loss of personal identity. Yet, embracing who God created you to be is crucial for genuine ministry and personal fulfillment.

Biblical Perspective

Scripture reminds us of the beauty of being ourselves. Psalm 139:14 declares, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” This verse emphasizes that each person is uniquely crafted by God. Embracing this truth allows us to fulfill who who God intended for us to be.

“You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.
― Brené Brown

Practical Steps to Embrace Your Authentic Self

Self-Reflection: Take time to understand your strengths, weaknesses, passions, and gifts. Reflecting on these aspects can help you align your life with God’s purpose. If you aren’t sure about your strengths or weaknesses, ask God to show you.
Set Boundaries: It’s essential to set boundaries that protect your well-being. Saying “no” when necessary helps you serve more effectively in areas where you’re truly called. Down through the years I’ve struggled to say no. But now, I usually say no if I don’t feel that I am the one for the job. I say, “Thank you for thinking of me, but I’m going to have to say no.”
Seek Support: Surround yourself with trusted friends or mentors. They should encourage you to be your true self. They also offer guidance along the way. Pray for a mentor from God. This mentor will help you grow as a pastor’s wife and as a woman of God.
Engage in Prayer: Regular communication with God helps you stay grounded and adapt to His will for your life.

“You are you. Now, isn’t that pleasant?”
― Dr. Seuss

Join the Conversation

We recently discussed this topic in depth on our channel, “Silently Bleeding: Hope for the Pastor’s Wife.” You can watch the full interview here:

The Importance of Being You

We’d love to hear from you. How have you embraced your authentic self in your personal life or ministry?

Have you learned how to say no? Share your experiences in the comments below to encourage and inspire others on this journey.

Remember, being true to who God made you to be honors Him. It also enriches your life and the lives of those you serve.

“Talk to yourself like you would someone you love.”
― Brené Brown

Angie’s Story: Breaking Protocol

Angie is a pastor’s wife who is “walking through Hell and not smelling like smoke.” This is a story of loss, faith, and resilience.

Covid19 brought unexpected loss to Angie and her precious family. She never dreamed her beautiful daughter, Rachel, would die, leaving her husband and precious little girl behind.

After the Celebration of Life service and burial, Angie went back to the church and went into the sanctuary and knelt down where Rachel’s casket had been and cried out to God, “God, I will die, I can’t do this without you, please help me.”

How do you go back to church where your daughter and son-in-law were the youth pastors and your husband is the lead pastor, after such loss? It wasn’t easy, but Angie, with God’s supernatural strength, eventually went back to church and not only attend, but started leading worship again.

I had the privilege of interviewing Angie for our YouTube channel. Not only does Angie talk about the difficulty of grieving, but she talks about the “God winks,” miracles, and how He has carried her through these last three years.

There is so much more to Angie’s story. Feel free to watch the interview here. Be sure and stay tuned to the very end to hear what God has done in Angie’s son-in-law’s life.

For more from Angie go to: Rachelsvoicelive.com

WOUNDED NO MORE! The Benefits of Being Healed from Church Hurts

We are honored to have Connie Czepiel, the author of Wounded No More!, share this guest post with us today.

Sometimes we think it is easier to bury our wounds versus facing the pain and allowing God to heal us. Truth be told our hurts affect us more deeply than we realize. But we typically won’t deal with them until we see some benefit in doing so. Allow me to share just a few.

You will gain peace and rest for your body, soul, and spirit. We tend to go over and over in our minds what happened. That can destroy our peace. Unfortunately, all the ruminating in the world can’t and won’t change what happened. Take responsibility for what is yours and bring it to God. But don’t take responsibility for what is NOT yours. God will deal with them. This hurt has extracted enough of a toll on you already. Don’t let it sabotage your entire life. Be healed and be done with this. Your peace will be restored and you will sleep better. It will free up time and energy for more positive and constructive things. Fulfilling your dreams will be one of them.

Blockages to spiritual and emotional growth will be removed. Think about your spiritual and emotional growth since this has happened. Have you progressed at all? Hurts are like clogs. Think of a clogged drain in your kitchen. Once removed, the water can flow more freely. Let the river of life flow through you again. Your joy will be restored and you will begin to flourish and grow once more.

Your children will benefit. Your children are watching you go through these problems. What are they learning from you about how to deal with difficulties in life? Your hurt may have taken time away from them-physically or emotionally. Your capacity to be there for them may have been compromised. They need you. And once healed, your capacity to love them and engage with them will be restored and re-energized.

Some relationships may be restored. And if not, you will gain healthier and more positive ones. You will be able to open your heart to the right people and for the right reasons. The lessons you learned from
this problem will serve you well.

Your capacity as a leader will grow. You will take the lessons learned and avoid the mistakes perpetrated by leaders who have wounded others due to their own hurts. We need leaders with healed hearts. You will be able to serve others in a kinder and more respectful way. Because of your own healing, you will be able to comfort those who have gone through similar difficulties.

Ask God to show you any hidden hurts so that you may be healed. Not only will you benefit, but those around you will as well. God bless you on your healing journey.

Kimberlee’s Story

“Dad and Mom, we need you to pray that God would expose land mines––and soon! We think there may be a lot of them.”

My husband and I had just stepped into a new ministry assignment and knew we needed to rally the troops we trusted. Why? We could not escape the weighty sense that we were stepping onto a minefield. Minefields are fraught with explosive danger lurking under the surface. The land before us possessed explosive spiritual devices which could bring catastrophe and destruction indiscriminately. All it would take was the slightest pressure by anyone in its proximity. You see, land mines aren’t choosy; they take out soldiers and civilians alike.

What can land mines look like to those in pastoral ministry? Many things: patterns of selfishness, offense, and bitterness in the congregation; habitual deception, both of self and others; immorality; lack of self control and tendency toward rage; rebellious attitudes that refuse to accept God-ordained leadership; idolatry of traditions, comfort, and social clubs; jealousy; church leaders who draw lines around their faith, refusing to exercise it for crucial aspects of ministerial responsibility; financial corruption; individuals and families using manipulation, control, and domination to hide sin; and refusal to embrace the Word of God.

Yikes!

But here’s the good news: God protects His servants! Psalm 91 promises safety for those who trust in the Lord. He can keep pastors, their wives, and their families safe from the fowler’s snare and disaster from coming near their tent, providing shield and rampart in the midst of trouble.

Are you walking through a minefield? You walk under the cover of the feathers of the Most High, God Almighty! He will empower you to identify and disarm the danger, or He’ll lead you through to safety.

To watch an interview with Kimberlee sharing more on this subject, click here.

For more from Kimberlee, check out her blog here.

Anneliese’s Story

We are honored to have Anneliese Dalaba as our guest blogger.

I married the man of my dreams. He swept into my life and filled my hopelessly romantic heart with so much joy and laughter. It felt as though we had been designed for each other.

Over the course of time, we were blessed with two children and, more recently, with three little grandchildren. We faced the highs and lows of ministry side-by-side and traveled to many parts of the world.

While in the process of deciding on a date for my husband’s retirement, we were slapped in the face with a cancer diagnosis. Not just any cancer, but an extremely rare, stage-4, metastatic bone cancer called chondrosarcoma. His oncologist told us, chemo might give my husband one to three more years to live. That was the best the medical community could offer. As it turned out, not even the big guns of chemo were able to touch this cancer. Four months after his first symptom, my husband passed away.

It didn’t matter that I wasn’t ready. It didn’t matter that we had dreams and plans for our future. He was gone. Ripped away.

I did the only thing I knew to do; I clung to my faith. How often had I read, “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble,” (Psalm 46:1 NIV)? God had been my refuge in the past. Surely, He would help me again, but I couldn’t imagine how.

It’s been almost three years since I lost my husband. How thankful I am for God’s faithfulness to me. “The LORD is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth.” (Psalm 145:18 NASB) I clung to this promise, and so can you.

Grief comes in many forms, not always the loss of a loved one. People grieve many disappointments in life. We live in a fallen and sinful world, and we aren’t immune to how this will affect us. No matter what we face, this promise is a reassurance to us of God’s faithful care. If we’ve placed our trust in Jesus, we will never face life alone.