by Julie Skulrod
In 1980, my senior year, I was chosen to play on a tournament fast pitch team. I had played fastpitch softball for years and was a pretty good pitcher. OK, that may have sounded mediocre, but I was better than that. I was very good. I loved pitching. I threw the ball fast. I learned to throw a curve ball, a change up, and a couple other pitches. This made it very difficult to hit the ball. Several weeks into the season, I was playing a game. I don’t remember a whole lot about the game. However, I can still picture the field we were playing on. I can see the following event clearly. I pitched the ball. The batter swung the bat, and the ball came back fast. It hit me in the chest … hard! I had quick reflexes and had never been hit like that before. I took a few balls to the shins but usually could field the ball without incident. This day was different. I can’t tell you exactly what happened, but when it hit me, it stunned me. It hurt, but it also took my breath away. I could not breathe, and it felt like my heart stopped for a moment. I don’t know if it did, but that is what it felt like. The back up pitcher came in and finished the game for me. I remember my coach urging me to get back in the game, but I refused. I was hurting, but mostly I was afraid. When the next game came around, I was up to starting again. Well, physically I was fine, but something happened emotionally. I had the “know how” and the strength to pitch well. I had done it for years, but something was different. It was the memory of being hit by that ball, not the physical impact. FEAR … that is what it was. Somehow every pitch I threw was different. My fear was causing me to not follow through correctly and I had no control of the ball. I did not make it far into the game. The coach pulled me out and replaced me with the backup pitcher. This happened for the next several games. At first, I was afraid of being hit by the ball. Later, I became afraid of failure. For several games, I had done exactly that, failed! When you think about it, it is crazy. One little thing, FEAR, could totally mess with me. I had played hundreds of games. I had pitched the ball thousands of times with no incident. But it only took one pitch coming back at me to totally mess up my game. The opposing teams, who were my enemies, had an advantage over me. This was because of my fear. I eventually got past it and trusted in what I knew to be true.
In life, fear can hold us back. We fear the pain we may face, we fear failure, or we fear what others will think. God does not want this for us. He created us to rise above our fears. Fear is an emotion God gave us. It’s there to protect us from things that can harm us. I know a stove is hot. I am afraid of what will happen if I touch it. This fear keeps me from touching the stove. However, we often take what God has given us for our protection and misuse the emotion. Our enemy, satan, the opposing team, wants to paralyze us from doing the things God wants us to do. He uses fear to accomplish this. It is our job to examine our fears and determine if they protect us. We must recognize if fear is controlling us and preventing us from moving forward.
I typed the word “Fear” in my Bible program. There were 275 matches that came up. Most of them were talking about the fear of the Lord. We should have a fear of the Lord, but not the kind of fear that paralyzes us. This fear drives us because it highlights his absolute power. With Him on our side, we can do anything that he sets before us. We should not let fear of failure hold us back. We should not let pain stop us. We should not allow fear of people to hinder us from doing anything that God has asked us to do. God put fear here to guide us away from harm. It is not meant to keep us from doing good things. 2 Timothy says, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity. Instead, He has given us a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline.” Does this mean that we should never fear? No it does not. Paul wrote this to Timothy and was regarding his fear in doing what God asked him to do. I don’t believe that Paul was saying we don’t need to have some fear when it comes to danger. Yes, I should fear touching a hot stove or driving a car on a narrow windy road. That fear makes me cautious of the danger. However, we should not fear the things that God has set before us.
As a pastor or wife of a pastor, I know we face criticisms no matter what we do. We cannot make everyone happy, and consequently sometimes people turn on us. Our goal is to please God and follow what he wants us to do. We have all known someone who always insists on getting their way. They want what they want, even when it does not seem right. When they don’t get it, they try to bring heat against us. God is faithful to bring us through, but it is painful. That pain can lead to fear which can paralyze, just like the line drive paralyzed me. It stops us from doing exactly what God has gifted us and called us to do. This should not be!
So here is what I see … When we fear God, we don’t need to fear satan and his schemes. When we place our fear in God and His ways, he chases all darkness away. When we fear God, we can rely on His strength to do the things that God sets before us. When we fear God, He uses the emotion of fear to protect us from danger. When we fear God, He wraps his arms around us and holds us. I believe that when we fear God He looks at us and says, “OK … now you get it. You know who I am and how powerful I am, but I love you so Fear Not” …. Confusing? Maybe … but very powerful.
“When was the last time fear stopped you in your tracks—and how did God show up in that moment?”
Silently Bleeding 