The Struggle is Real

Do you ever struggle with your big butt? Oops, I mean a big “but”. As a pastor’s wife I’m sure you have a crazy busy schedule and finding time to do the things you really want to do is difficult, to say the least.

I would clean out my closet, but… I would play barbies with my little girl, but… I would hang out with you, but… I would read this book, but…

There is hope my friend.

Have you learned how to say “No”? Just try it. Say it out loud. No! Come on Girl, say it like you mean it. NO!!!

I used to struggle with this two letter word so much. The funny thing is, my mom said “no” was the first word that ever came out of my mouth.

As a pastor’s wife, I had to re-learn how to say no. You can use your big “but” for your own good. This is what it looks like:

Thank you so much for inviting me, but I have a previous engagement.

Thank you so much for considering me for this position, but I am not able to do that at this time.

Thank you for asking me to speak, but speaking really isn’t my gifting.

It’s okay to say no. “I don’t want to” is a legitimate reason all on it’s on. However, when you say no, say it with grace.

Girlfriend, set yourself free. You don’t wear a cape and you don’t need to feel like you have to do everything that is set before you. God never intended for you to be a super woman. That was a lesson I learned the hard way and to be honest, I am still learning.

Several years ago I was at a state-wide meeting for pastors and pastors’ wives. I was asked to play the piano for the night service. I politely said, “No, I can’t play the piano.” and this person responded, “Come on Jan, we need you and you can do this.” My response was “My friend, I get static playing the radio and I sure can’t play the piano.” That was an easy no because I literally couldn’t do it. But there were times I would say yes to things because I could do it, but it didn’t necessarily mean that I should.

Just remember, not every good thing is a God thing. You should pray before making a big commitment to anything. Talk with your husband about it. If you have a mentor, definitely seek her advice.

Another thing I learned is you can always change your “no” to a “yes,” but once you say “yes,” you are pretty much committed. If you want to learn more, check out the book Boundaries, by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. Townsend.

Finally, one thing I wish someone had emphasized to me when I was a young pastor’s wife: God first, then family, then the ministry. That will be another blog for another day my friend.

What do you struggle with saying “no” to?

I love you and I believe in you my friend!


You can find the book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud on the Amazon link below.

As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

Published by silentlybleeding

Jan McIntyre loves Jesus, family, bargain shopping, cooking, and photography. Jan was raised in a pastor's home and is married to a pastor. Her heart's desire is to encourage and empower pastor's wives.

8 thoughts on “The Struggle is Real

  1. I have a list of things in my life right now that I need to get off my plate because I was unable to say “no” – thank you for this post! I love you, Jan! Keep being REAL! We all need it!


    1. I totally get it Julie. I am still working on cleaning my plate off sweet friend. Thank you so much for your encouraging words.


    1. Thank you so much Kathy Powell. I agree, the older I get the easier it is to say no. Blessings sweet lady!


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